Tuesday 21 August 2012

The 'Just Married, Please Excuse' Contest


This is an old post (not a very old one) which I want to pass as an entry for this contest. I had named this post “Speechlessness” and reproduce it here with a few edits.

The contest requires one funny incident from the just-married phase, while my post is a series of conversations, if not events. My rationale behind that is, (i) inspite of being married for almost six solid years, I can still pass “married” with a “Just” prefix and (ii) funny conversations with the other half are events enough in my life. (Do I sound desperate for an autographed book! Yes. Who cares?)

Here we go!

The characters in the conversations are married to each other (No prizes for guessing). P, the better-half (and obviously, the woman) and J, the other half (the man).

P: Do I look slim in this dress?
J: Can I be honest?
P: No.
J: You look like an hour-glass.
P: Ok. Honesty is the best policy.
J: Plump.
P:
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P returns from some work.
P: Wassup?
J: Now that you are here, you know what is up. (winks)
P:
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P: Hey you remember that first time we met?
J: Of course. How can I forget that? (sarcasm to be ignored)
P: Tell me what was I wearing?
J: Nailpolish.
P: What was I WEARING?
J: Earrings.
P: I am not Kate Winslet.
J: Oh that reminds me. I had better things to check about you. Sorry didn’t notice what you were wearing.
P:
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P (singing loudly): “subhah hone na de ..shaam hone na de…ek dusre ko hum sone na de”…what do you think of the song? I love it.
J: It reminds me of our suhag-raat.
P:
P:
J: Lights off. Sounds off. Camera off. Action! (evil grin follows)
P:
*****************************************************

P (after watching Kahaani): I wish I was Vidya Balan.
J: You don’t need to. I find you better.
P:
P:
P: You sure? Or you drunk?
J: Sure. I mean she is way more beautiful and all. But it’s like, Beer works better for me on a June-afternoon, than a Blue Label. Like that.
P: Whatever that means.
J: It means facts. Don’t mistake it as a compliment.
P:
P:
*****************************************************
P trying a dark eye make-up, a.k.a smoky look.
P: How do I look?
J: You look like Johny Depp.
P: Whaaaat??
J: Johny Depp. In “Pirates of the Caribbean”. (concentrates on the newspaper).
P:
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P seen here, wearing a dress which has all the colours of a rainbow and teased by random horny men on the street.
Men: Holi kaab hein? Kaab hein holi? (followed by wicked smirks)
P: J, they are eve-teasing and Eve is your wife. Stop them.
J (matter-of-factly): Tell them na, Holi is in March if they are asking you so many times. (and looks away)
P:
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P: It’s so late. I don’t think we’ll get a Taxi.
J: Wait. I’ll hide somewhere. You stand alone on the street. Remember “akeli ladki khuli hui tijori ki tarah hote hein”. Taxis are bound to stop. Then I’ll jump in.
P: This is how you use your wife???
J:  Yes. Now do what I tell you.
P:
P:
***************************************************
P complaining.
P: Someone told me my nose resembles that of a PUG!.
J: Pug? Vodafone kutta, you mean?
P: Don’t make it worse. Just Pug.
J:  Who said? Tell him or her, I like honesty.
P:
P:
J: By the way, that’s your cutest feature. And the comparison makes it cuter.
P: :)
************************************************

Similar conversation.
P: Your Mama (uncle) says my eyes are like a cow’s. Meanness is hereditary.
J: But it’s a compliment. Cows have beautiful eyes.
P: Never thought about it. Oh yes.
J: Told you. Better, do something about your double-chin before people start comparing it with that of a cow. (Gabbar Singh laugh follows).
P:
P:
**************************************************
P: Am I your Personal Secretary? Have you kept me ONLY to do all your work?
J: Yes. What else?
P:
J: You can also sleep with me. Like Personal Secretaries. (winks away to glory)
P:
********************************************
They flip through their wedding album.
J: With so many of your relatives surrounding me, reminds me of something.
P: What?
J: Gulliver’s Travels.
P: 
******************************************

In the midst of a serious discussion. P fuming.
J: You remember what was Oliver Twist’s best friend’s name?
P: How is that relevant? Anyways, whaat??
J: Master Bates.
P:
*********************************************
P: If you ever had to have an extramarital affair, whom would you want it with?
J: Ladies first.
P: Irfaan Khan, may be?
J: Wah wah.
P: You?
J: You.
P: :)  

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15 comments:

  1. Hey, thanks so much for participating - did you leave a comment on my blog linking to this? If not, please do so, so that we don't miss it when it's time to judge :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i had posted it yashodhara. dont really know why it didnt get posted. I have posted it once again.
      and yes, feels great to hear from the author. thank you.
      i wish you all the best..

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  2. And this was quite hilarious :)

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  3. Replies
    1. hey thanks. I read your post too. very funny indeed.

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  4. Gosh ...this is so funny...hopped here through the contest link :-)

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    Replies
    1. thank you nibedita. :)..and how i relate to the Hello, Ghosh! part of it. i refer to my other half life that...so many times.

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  5. Parama, where are you based? Just curious.

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  6. good one! I'm having a 'Ye idea mujhe kyun nahi aaya' moment :D

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    Replies
    1. dont stop yourself. compile your own moments fast, the contest still runs till 31st august..go ahead. much love :)

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  7. Congrats on the win..!!
    :D
    Banhea

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  8. You won this contest!!!! Wow!! Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete